dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize