Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
