If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That's how pantless uber rides happen
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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