So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
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