I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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