Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
