i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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