im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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