Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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