actually, I'm a sock model
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
