sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
