rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
