so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize