Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
