smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
