It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
