i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
