So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
