I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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