found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
