I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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