i'm signing you up for texting rehab
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
