I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
