Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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