Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
