How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
