Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize