Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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