Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
