I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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