He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
