wrigley field is MILF paradise
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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