i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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