he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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