Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
