Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
