His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
