worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
