We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize