I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
