I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
