What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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