Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
