Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
