JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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