Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize