we have officially mastered the walk of shame
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
