were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
