you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
