Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
