fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
