i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
