I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
