If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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