I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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