Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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