dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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