I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
