Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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