My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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