Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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