Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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