I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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