take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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