I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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