HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This house was built for laser tag.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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