Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
